Don’t Waste Your Doubt

A Positive View on the Benefit of Doubt

Samuel Cardillo

May 10, 2021

So as not to squander what can very well turn out to be a valuable learning experience, I wanted to continue to explore the phenomenon of spiritual doubt in a way that doesn’t minimize or seek quick and easy solutions, but rather takes the individual experience of doubt seriously. Why? Because all too often the inclination of spiritual counselors is (naturally and understandably) to resolve doubt quickly, to guide the doubter back on track, and to bring and end to doubt. While well-meaning on the part of the spiritual counselor, I believe (and indeed it is my own personal experience) that such a process is short-sighted and seeks to minimize the underlying reasons for doubt; and therefore leaves the experience of the doubter unresolved in the long term. To encourage a quick and easy resolution to doubt also falsely assumes that everyone’s spiritual doubt is easily categorized and therefore easily resolved (biblically), because it is common experience, it’s been experienced by so many others, and so therefore there are quick and easy (and yes, biblical) resolutions.

But anyone who has struggled through the pain and deep sense of isolation that comes from questioning the foundations of a lifelong faith tradition will tell you that there are no easy answers. While a restoration of faith does come to some doubters quickly, for some, there is no quick and easy solution to reduce or eliminate the burden that has been brewing for so long and that has finally come to the surface. It is a great misunderstanding to think that if you read the “right” materials, talk to the “right” people, or expose yourself to whatever other counsel might present itself by well-meaning but short-sighted friends, doubt will be resolved; it’s simply not that easy.

One of the most unhelpful pieces of advice that you can receive when going through a period of personal spiritual doubt is the idea that your struggle as a common phenomenon. The temptation for a spiritual counselor is to tell you that your struggle is not unique; that you are not alone in facing your doubt; and so therefore there are standard and time-proven ways for you to overcome your doubt. Just read the “right” books, blogs, sermons… just read the Bible… and you’ll see the truth, you’ll come out of your doubt, and all will be well again.

That short-sighted and mechanical viewpoint — the viewpoint that posits the idea that by following a particular method of reeducating oneself by exposure to the “right” materials — is not only unhelpful to the person who is in the midst of doubt, it is also damaging, for at least two reasons: (1) It misunderstands and minimizes the very personal and unique set of circumstances of your life that led you to doubt; and (2) It shortcuts the vital process of taking doubt to its natural limit.

It is an all too common (but admittedly natural) impulse for spiritual counselors to urge the doubter to rush through their doubt; to overcome their doubt quickly; and therefore to minimize that doubt by characterizing it as easily resolved; as if there’s a standard proven and effective method to guide anyone and everyone through their doubt; as if all experiences of doubt were the same; It’s simply not that easy or that mechanical.

Admittedly, for some people, working through doubt is as simple as having a spiritual counselor who can coax the doubter back on the path of belief. “Just read this or that book, post, biblical portion… and all will be well, faith will be restored, and you’ll be back on track.” But for that person who experiences the kind of doubt that has taken root over a long period of time; that person who is experiencing the kind of existential doubt that has built over a lifetime of serious contemplation; the person who has struggled long and hard through the process of faith building but has found it to be elusive — for that person who takes the course of doubt as a serious and complex life-process, not just something that pops up at now and then along one’s spiritual journey; an experience to view as misguided and therefore easily resolved… for that person, there are no easy answers. And the most unhelpful thing a spiritual counsellor could advise is that you quickly overcome your doubts by reading this or that resource. Even less helpful is for the spiritual counselor to tell you that your questions are not original. Of course your doubts are original; they are your doubts, not those of someone else who might have gone through a similar experience but came out of it through whatever means happened to have “worked” for them. True, your doubts might bear some resemblance to the doubts of others, but the nuance of your doubts, that nuance involving your unique set of life experiences, those circumstances are uniquely yours.

Let me deal directly with the question of the “negative” nature of doubt. For a spiritual counselor to stress the importance of walking honesty through doubt, but at the same time place a limitation on that process by declaring that there is a solution that will eventually work to resolve that doubt, is to pre-determine that all doubt is misguided and fruitless; it is to conclude that doubt is simply wrong, something to be “corrected” or reversed, gotten rid of quickly. To prejudge all spiritual doubt as wrong-headed and misguided, to be rushed through by exposure to the “right” materials — again, that mindset minimizes the valuable process of doubt. Which raises the question: why is doubt automatically considered to be a negative sentiment?

In everyday life, we commonly use words like Reservation, Skepticism, Suspicion, Distrust, Hesitation, all synonyms of “doubt.” While in some sense, those words seem limiting or restrictive, they are not so. We all use the language of restriction, hesitation, etc. Those are, in a sense, protective words, conveying the idea of safety, carefulness, consideration — ideas that are ingrained into our psyche as ideas that make us think before acting thoughtlessly or impulsively. Doubt (especially spiritual doubt) is all too often viewed as a problem that needs to be reversed, corrected, avoided, rushed through, resolved, rather than a naturally-occurring phenomenon in the life of one who struggles over a lifetime to make sense of the hidden and elusive world of the unseen.

Admittedly, no one enjoys the process of working through doubt (at least no one should). It’s not a pleasant experience. The process itself doesn’t enhance the life of the doubter. The isolation that it brings is by no means a pleasant and life-enhancing experience. It is a bitter and unpleasant experience; yet, I say that not only is it unavoidable, it is profitable. One longs to resolve the pain and loneliness that it brings. Yet, the irony is that it should never be cut short by dishonest means. My own life experience informs me that the painful process of doubt can indeed be cut short, and very easily. Just very simply “doubt your doubts.” Those of us who have lived out and repeated this process over a lifetime will tell you that’s often the easiest way to get through your doubts. I’ve done it, it doesn’t last. So while it’s a natural inclination to fight the battle of doubt, it’s also the most short-sighted and useless way to deal with the underlying problem. It’s simply unsustainable, like popping a pain-killing pill to resolve an underlying disease that the pill won’t cure. In this case, the “pill” is this or that book; this or that biblical text, this or that… whatever….

To be brutally honest, one of the things I struggle with most in this prolonged period of personal doubt is the awareness that I don’t have sure and easy answers to the problem of doubt. The nature of honest doubt is that it’s not universally resolvable according to a specific timetable, or agenda, or reading list, or whatever… Not to diminish the emotional and physical struggle that comes with a bodily disability or condition — but in some ways prolonged doubt seems much like a physical condition that isn’t resolved through surgical or other medical means; perhaps its something you simply have to learn to live with over a long period of time, no defective parts to “cut away” to lessen the pain or discomfort, no easy resolution to bypass or short-cut the process.

And maybe (just maybe) there’s a reason for the doubt — a reason that just might turn it into a profitable experience when (or if) it ever resolves. All of life clearly shows us that experience is the best teacher. Sitting through a “how to” lecture or reading a book about cooking or woodworking (or whatever is that you aspire to become good at) is no substitute for actually getting in there and “doing” it. And yet, for some reason that eludes me, some folks gain a certain sense of accomplishment by reading about this or that craft or skill… without actually participating in the activity. What I’m trying to say here (maybe not in the best way) is that one doesn’t truly “learn” how to live a doubt-free life by reading the “right” books or even (dare I say) the Bible. Most of the counsel and advice that has come my way over the past several months of this journey has been through biblical quotations — quoting the words of the Gospel writers, Paul, and Jesus.

There’s a whole separate discussion that can ensue about the authority of Scripture and the unquestioning veracity of the written word of Scripture. But my only point here is to say (as I’ve said many times) that quoting scripture as if it were the end of all debate is not helpful for those of us who are in the midst of a serious battle between doubt and faith. Allow me to emphasize that point a bit more, because that statement in itself will prompt some folks to quote a scripture that counters that (admittedly low) view of scripture. Bottom line — it’s simply not helpful. For the skeptic and serious searcher, biblical support texts are simply not the answer. They worked at a time when the battle for faith was simply a battle to “get back on track after straying a bit from the biblical path.” But in this battle, where the authority of scripture itself is at issue, quoting from the sacredly-held text isn’t a solution.

So what is the solution (if the goal is indeed to at least search for a solution)? In my view, a possible resolution (or at least a way forward) is to continue the dialog, but without relying on or demanding the pre-determined answers. Part of the resolution is to avoid the urge to demand this or that source or resource as THE authoritative answer to end the debate or discussion. Yes, that includes the use of biblical authority. Underlying that thinking is the idea of sola scriptura as the final authority to end all questioning or debate. Whereas in reality, that basis of “scripture alone” only works if it is agreed by both parties that scripture alone is the final authority. While it is true that to use scripture as one’s authority in a way that doesn’t allow counter-argument is an easy and convenient discussion-ending method, it is obviously a useless means of sustaining that particular discussion.

In the end (because this blog should come to an end) my hope is that the goal of the kind of deep theological discussion (like the one I’ve been involved in) would be ongoing, but in a way that avoids the temptation to set up an “authoritative” “debate-ending” resource as the one and only final authority, rather than reasoning out of variety of resources, including our common God-given capacity to think creatively.